I guess I should explain... This week I will be getting scans done to see what the progress is in my body of the cancer tumors. The last time I had these scans done we were still finding out just what we were dealing with. For weeks I was going to appointments and getting blow after blow and being broken over and over. A few months ago I was feeling the anxiety of this week that I knew was coming on a big scale. I cried a lot and let my biggest fears take control of me. After talking to a friend who has been my number one "pull me up by the belt loops and stand me on my feet" person, I began to come out of my funk and get back on the trail of thinking positive. Since then I have felt so strong mentally and not been the least bit worried.
Now here we are, tomorrow is my PET scan and I won't know a thing until Thursday. I am fighting with myself over my thoughts and fighting hard to keep my eyes on the prize. I keep telling myself that I am winning this battle and I am a survivor, I will rise! As my anxiety creeps in at various times, I try to convince myself that I've got this and I say things to myself to build the confidence that I have got this. Tonight as I was driving alone my mind started to wander and I stuck my CD in and cranked up my Katie Perry song and sang it over and over and allowed myself to cry the first time through, but after that there were no more tears but a powerful strength filled their place. I will get through this week by fighting and fighting hard, as I have for the past 6 months. Thursday will come and I will probably go into my appointment with the doctor full of nerves knowing that I am hearing news about my scans again, remembering what it felt like the first time. However, I will go in knowing that I am fighting, I am winning, and I am a survivor.
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