Crying laughter

That was my emotion when I got her phone call. That week was a really long week but the longest part was Friday. I had an unexpected bone and CT scan that week because when at the doctor the week prior, receiving my every 3 week maintenance treatment, my blood work came back and something about the levels for my liver caused my doctor some concern. She said it could be the medicines I am on but with the way things have recently gone of course I was nervous. I took a couple of days and tried to shake it off knowing that we probably wouldn't be getting scans and such quickly and I could not let myself get shaken up over this. The greatest thing that a friend told me, my counselor as I have nicknamed her, is that no matter what I can handle this because I have handled so much more already. She was right and that shook it off, she always has the right thing to say at the right time. Not only does she believe in me and tell me all the time that I've got this but even when things are scary, she gives me that kick I need and I needed that right then. Those words have rung true in my ears since and I tell myself that over and over. No matter what, I can handle it because look what I've handled so far. I mean come on, I still can't begin to explain how I have managed to stay so uplifted and positive but I have. Never in my life have I been able to take negative things and be positive about them and here I am facing the biggest fight of my life that will be a fight for my entire life and I'm beasting through it like a champ! I'm more proud of myself and what I have accomplished in the last 8 months than I have ever been. I am also proud of the people in my life and so thankful for all of them. I have been surrounded by the most amazing people and I don't know why I deserve it. I continue to be shown so much goodness and kindness and love and support from so many people, close and far, that I can't get down about it. I'm crying now just thinking about all of the blessings that my family has received since August. I can't get down about the struggles because of the goodness I have seen around me since far outweighs anything else, and thank you will just never be enough.
So anyway, I got way off track, back to that week. The bone scan wasn't what I was focused on because it doesn't show the liver and that was the docs concern. Of course it was the one we did early in the week and the CT wasn't until Friday. However, it was early Friday morning so I knew I could call my doc once I left and ask her to call me with results because I wasn't scheduled to see her until mid-day Monday and I just would rather know, good or bad, and have the weekend to cope and move forward, I didn't want to sit on the what if's all weekend, that's worse for me. So 5 'oclock comes and no phone call. I was so bummed out that she didn't call and now I was going to be nervous and sitting all weekend, extra nervous because I figured if she didn't call that it's because she wanted to tell me the bad news in person. At 6:30 when my phone rang and it was the Cancer Center I was shocked and picked up, maybe a little too quickly. "Hey Meghan, it's Dr. Feng. How are you?" "I'm good, I how are you?" " Good! I have some great news!" My heart started beating again!! She proceeded to tell me that my scans were clear. I asked her at least 4 times over to repeat that, clear/clear, are you sure?! All to which she confirmed. I also confirmed that last time there were still spots on bones and now there are not. Which again, she confirmed. I was beyond the moon. I ran in the bedroom to tell Stephan and couldn't stop laughing and crying and then proceeded to call my mom and everyone else I could think of that was waiting on information from me that day. And best yet, it was my Gacky's birthday. So I went to her house with mom to tell her the great news as well as my dad and Papaw. It was the best feeling in the world to know that at least below my neck, my cancer is not detectible from the scans I had. I mean what?! Y'all, I'm beating this thing. I said I was going to beat it, I believe I'm going to beat it, I am fighting every day to beat it, I will not ever stop trying to beat it, and that is my mission is to beat this thing until they find a cure. HOT DOG!!!
All of the praying, positive thinking, gifts of wellness, cards, thoughts, messages, go get 'ems, they are all working. I ask that you continue because as we all know, my fight is not over. Far from over. Now we focus on my brain and complete healing. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I am scared but I have faith, I have got this and NO MATTER WHAT I CAN HANDLE IT. I will take it head on (lol, I didn't mean to make that pun but there you go). The whole brain radiation was a lot more than I anticipated. It has completely affected my mobility and made it difficult for me to walk and get up at times. I am thankful to be feeling stronger every day but the strength comes very, VERY slowly. Its frustrating to have to plan out where you're going and if you can go because if there are stairs it's a wrap. But patience is one thing I have learned to have a lot of during this as well as letting others help me (I HATE THAT). Sometimes though, you just have to sit down and take it. I can only hope that if it affected my body in this way that it really socked that cancer out along with the chemo pills I'm taking and they are really working to clear up the lesions that were in my brain. That is my hope and prayers now and that my body will continue to be clear of any cancer due to the maintenance treatments I receive.
The last thing I want to say today is how thankful I am for the people and things happening in my life. I am truly beyond words with all that we have received and all that has happened and I know it is not by accident. My family, not that I thought they wouldn't, has been the most but my mother has been the biggest trooper. I can't imagine what it's like to see your child go through this and still manage to keep one foot in front of the other while caring for her every need. Making sure my family is cared for as well as still managing to function on a daily basis. She has been to every appointment with me refusing to let me go alone and no matter what sticks right by my side. I will never be able to thank her enough for dealing with my "Benedryl Meghan" attitude from the doctor appointments and taking me everywhere I need to go. The rest of my family has been amazing, chipping in and helping out. I just can't thank them enough. I even asked my sister why she was so good to me when we hated each other so much growing up. I love her so much and I'm so thankful that she was chosen to be my sister. My co-workers need mentioning too because they have really done too much for me. My principal went to bat for me over something that I will never be able to thank her for and it has helped my family through this year with me being off in ways I couldn't imagine. They have supported me with pictures of my nugget when he is at school, special gifts, sweet messages, I just can't thank them enough for being so good to me and loving me and mine. I will forever be grateful for people I call amazing friends. And that leaves me with a couple more I need to mention today... I won't specifically mention but I haven't yet been able to think about it without crying. I received an unexpected gift from Elizabeth, Bug, Cat, Emily, Kathy, Jennifer, and my mom that really just overwhelmed me. Thank you to them as well will never be enough but it's all I have right now. I wish I could say or do more or something that felt more significant to me but Thank you, thank you, thank you for all you have done. To everyone else for cards, prayers, well wishes, sweet messages, you all are just as amazing for the daily encouragement. The fact that #TeamWhite is so big is beyond my wildest dreams and to know that many people and more are in my corner cheering for me is such an amazing thing. So thank you all for everything. Keep praying, keep the positive thoughts and know that #IWillRise #VictoryIsInMyVeins #IAmTheStorm.