Hair today, gone tomorrow.

There have been so many "happenings" since my last post so I'm going to try to remember it all.
The last week I posted was so rough and I struggled after getting that first dose of chemo. I ended up at the doctor that Friday to get fluids because I was getting dehydrated. And I thought I was going to be at work every day that week! LOL! After that and utilizing some stomach meds, I was finally able to get on the mend. The next week I took it slow and worked some half days and prepared myself for the upcoming wedding weekend for my sister.

As it began to approach I was excited that my hair was remaining in tact. People kept saying that it wouldn't fall out that quickly but because of the dosage of chemo that I was given, my doctor said it probably would. Then came Thursday and I started getting handfuls of hair out. I was an emotional mess and cried most of the night as I'm losing something that meant more to me than I thought it did. It's interesting because I had told myself, and others, that I was prepared and didn't care and when the time came I was lost. I remember texting my mom and saying I would not have hair for the wedding Saturday. So we drove Friday to Wilmington to join the festivities and made it down in time for rehearsal. It was a full day and I managed to hang in there and keep up with all that was going on until dinner came. Stephan couldn't get to us because he was stuck in traffic that didn't move for over 3 hours from Wilmington to Southport and it was something about the environment that had me an emotional wreck. I was so happy for my sister and new brother but I couldn't stop being sad. It really made me reflect on my situation and how happy my life is but brought me to such a sad place and I felt HORRIBLE. I felt like I was bringing down the entire crowd. It was the most emotional I have been since finding out everything. That night I prayed hard and got a good nights sleep. Once we woke, it was go time and we went, and went, and went! I enjoyed getting ready with the girls and the best news was, MY HAIR MADE IT! The girls doing our hair were great and I told her when she started to get a trashcan. So as she worked on it carefully, more wads of hair were put in the trash, but I was okay. The wedding was great, I didn't ugly cry... I don't think, but I happy cried and loved standing by my sister's side on the happiest day of her life. She was a beautiful bride and we had a blast. I gave a stellar speech (I was so proud of myself), we had a lip sync battle, and there was great food, dancing and fun. My night ended on her back porch with my husband sitting next to me for support while I took down my hair and placed half of it into a plastic bag. This was really happening.

The next week was very heavy. I worked half days and went home to rest in the afternoons where every day I was sitting with a bag and taking out more and more hair. I was over the crying about it the first day it happened but now it was just a depressing process and I wasn't able to move forward. So Thursday I asked Stephan to shave my head! At first he agreed but when I hesitated for a moment he changed his mind because he wasn't going to watch me cry the whole time. I ended up talking him into it and we actually had a blast. He started with half my head and calling me Rihanna to then calling me Amber Rose when we were finished. I'm not sure I want to be either of them but I know it was a compliment. It wasn't until after that I started to cry because he was so sweet and loving and told me I actually looked good and he'd rather have me here with him than have hair any day. (Swoon!) After that day it's like the clouds parted and my life began moving forward again. Who knew that something like hair could rock your whole world.

I had the weekend to practice my wraps and get used to wearing them, I had already worn one that week when my hair was really thin. I am rocking those things like it's my job! This last week I worked full days all week and it felt GREAT! I had an amazing week and even attended a volleyball game at Southeast High where they played their Dig Pink game in honor of me. You talk about cool! I am so appreciative for that and grateful that people are thinking of me. The weekend was good and normal and we got to see my sister (Bug) and her new husband, my brother.

That leads us to today, a wonderful day! I forgot to mention during all of this that my port wasn't healing and they put my chemo off for 2 weeks to try and get it to heal. Today was my follow up to determine if it will heal and I can keep it or if we were going to have to have it removed and try a different route. Well, I thought it wasn't making much progress and like everything else on my journey so far, we were going to be faced with another "bump" in the road. Boy was I ecstatic when the doctor walked in, looked right at it and said, "Well that's looking MUCH better!" Whew! We dodged a bullet this time. It sent me right over the moon to finally not get the blow that you were already expecting. Everyone has done their happy dance this afternoon and I even felt good enough to take Cadence to karate for the first time in over a month. I just love watching him do something he loves to do! So now I'm here, sitting in bed, catching up, and thinking about all I have to be thankful for. I know that Thursday brings a new portion of this journey as we are going to get another dose of "The Hammer" (that's what my surgeon calls it). I know that I am nervous but will be more prepared and I'm ready to own it and not let it own me. I know that I will take it easy this time and not push too hard so that it doesn't push me back harder. I know that this is only temporary and that I will look back at this one day and say "I did that, not it did me, I. DID. THAT!" I know that I'm going to do this, no matter what lies ahead, I'm going to DO THIS and I'm going to come out the strongest person that I have ever encountered. I'm constantly in awe of myself at the end of the day when I think about where I am, what I'm dealing with, and how strong my mentality is. This does not define me and when I tell people that I have cancer, I mean... I HAVE cancer. I have this and I want people to remind me of that when I'm weak. I know that it is because the hundreds of people I have supporting me and praying for me that I have this and that I feel so strong. I am humbled by this experience and I'm thankful. I will continue to be thankful throughout this journey because there is too much to be thankful for. I will not hang my head in defeat because I have this. I will look back one day on this journey as if it was a quick flash in my life and think, "here today, gone tomorrow."

Thank you all so much!
#WhiteFightClub #TeamWhite #MySquadIsDeep