I've been thinking on this one for a while. At first I considered it no big deal to write the post that is going to wake everyone, to make them pay more attention. Each time I got close to writing it though, I pulled back. I'm not sure if it's because it's so personal, stupid, embarrassing. I'm really not sure but I know if I'm going to be an advocate and raise awareness, I have to stop feeling any type of way and just do it.
We always say that "hindsight is 20/20" and it's the saying I find myself caught in the most wondering why the heck didn't I "see" it before. This situation is no different and I can only blame the fact that I just don't concern myself with things I should at times and often put myself on the back burner. I will never say I regret anything I've done in my life, though if I did, this would come the closest to it.
The summer of 2015 I noticed a cracking in my left nipple and had some issues that I had attributed to my birth control since I had just had it replaced and was having some different side effects than the first time. Long story short, everything that revolved around it I continued to justify with what I made up in my head as was the problem and never went to the doctor for it. Boy was I stupid for that! You hear about lumps and self exams all the time but I had honestly NEVER heard that an issue with your nipple could be an indicator of breast cancer. So yes, I could have caught it a year prior (here's where it's hard to say you don't regret something). Well ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS AN INDICATOR! Not until a year later, yes I was still having the issue, did I find the lump in my breast that pushed me into the doctors office.
Had I known a year before that could be something, would I have gone in then? I don't know, maybe. The minute I found the lump and thought cancer it was scary enough for me to make a move so it very well may have. But at the same time I don't know if I would have talked myself down from the ledge or thought because it never cleared up that maybe it was serious and gone in sooner to give myself a better chance at fighting this. One can only think that I whole year would have made so much difference in this fight of my life and possibly a little easier. All I do know is that is not how my story was meant to be written.
But I'm here now, I'm fighting it now, and I'm not throwing in the towel EVER! Some great news is when we went for my second treatment and had my appointment prior with my doctor, my nipple had been cleared up for the first time in over a year AND the lump!!! The lump is not able to be measured because it has softened so much. The doctor did NOT say it was gone or that she couldn't feel it at all but I cannot find it. Trust me when I say that lump was there, it was present, it was large, I could find it every time, and had even slightly changed the shape of my breast in that area. NO MORE. She DID say that before it was measuring over 4cm, I don't know if I ever mentioned that before, but now we couldn't measure without scans. I don't know about you guys but if this is a tournament, chalk me up for a first round win! Hearing that after such a ROUGH reaction to my first treatment was like finding the pot of gold after searching your whole life. It was the best feeling in the world. Definitely a victory for #TeamWhite.
Tonight as I sit here 5 nights after having my 3rd round of chemo, I continue to push myself to stay in the positive. I continue to wonder where this strength has come from that I have never been able to find in my dark times of life before, a strength I never knew I even had an ounce of. But here I am, pushing hard to be tough for me, my family, my friends, my baby boy. I would also encourage each of you to not be like me in one way, take care of yourself. If you notice something off, don't be a hard head, get checked out. It is totally worth the price of saving your life.
(I realize some of this was in a prior post about after my first treatment, so for those of you who might have missed. It's still fun to talk about the positive we know so far.)
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