I'm laying in bed preparing myself for our first day of school tomorrow. This will be my eighth year and Cadence is starting 1st grade. On top of the normal mom emotions, I'm anxiety ridden with all of the other goings on of my life. I'm sad at the fact my baby is entering another chapter and terrified of the chapter that I have only just begun.
After my extremely rough day last week, I somehow found my footing and made it through. I won't say I have felt as strong as I did, I'm still quite shaken, but I have done it one step at the time. I have had my weak moments but I have realized that it's okay to just cry. I let it out, I pray hard in that moment for some strength from the very pit of me that I can't seem to find on my own, I breathe deep and slow, and I begin to move again.
Tonight I am super thankful for friends. I have been completely overwhelmed with the showing up of my friends that I can't even believe that it's all real. My friends are really rallying around me in a way that I'm not sure I deserve. I have also noticed a common theme, they all definitely believe that I am way stronger than I give myself credit for. It reminds me of a child who feels like they can't do something. If people around them that they trust and know love them tell them they can enough times, they begin to do it. I'm just in awe of their kindness, caring, and willingness to take time out to support me. I will never be able to repay them but I hope to by beating this thing and showing them they were right.
This is going to be a tough year for me. I'm not even sure how long I'm going to be able to work through my chemotherapy. I hope that it will all work out and if I have to take leave, I will be back before I know it. I'm not overly concerned with work, I'm mostly focused on beating this stuff and getting back to my life as it was. But I do think that school will help me pass the time while I can be there.
So tonight, as I close my eyes for bed, I will pray for peace in my heart and mind and for healing of my body. I will pray for my friends and family who have done nothing but support me since day one so far. I will pray that this week will bring good news and nothing scary but if there is more to my story, I will pray for the strength to stand up tall and fight with all I have. I pray my little boy has a wonderful first day and school year and that he will be okay through all of this. Never forgetting for a second that he is my reason for fighting and I will fight to the ends of the earth for him.
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